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lehra [userpic]

(no subject)

May 2nd, 2008 (11:22 am)

 ive been having extremely vivid dreams lately.

about, i cant quite explain, but events carrying out in every day life with people and objects and places.  But it is extremely vivid.  And I remember them the next day, and at first im like "did that actually happen?" because it really could possibly have happened.  But its just a dream i remember.  I dreamt that. hmm

lehra [userpic]

(no subject)

April 6th, 2008 (02:09 am)

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i cant stop eating nerds. theyre like CRACK.

i havent written in this thing for a while, i guess its time to complain about shit.  Mainly boys.  I dont even know if i should be complaining.  But I guess at the moment im just not very satisfied.  I mean, it seems all the good boys have their nice girls.  Or the ones that just happen to be what im not attracted to seem to be falling for me.  So i have a choice between that, or my fucking friend's brother.  I dont want to have to keep something like that secret from my friend, man.  There's that and then there's my friend who lives in Calgary who's moving back in a year, or a few boys on msn who added me off of facebook, most of which are older than 24.  I dont even know what to think about that lately.  I kind of want to cry, but what would i even be crying about?  Am i sad about that, or the fact that theres still 9 feet of snow on the ground?  I've kind of lost my appetite lately.  Not because i think im fat.  I just havent felt like eating, at all.  Thinking about it at times makes me feel ever so slightly nauseous.  Ive still been eating.  But i seem to just get boughts of this loss of appetite.  I feel like being angry about it but to whom?  myself?  Im probably in a bad mood right now, but this has been on my mind a lot lately.  I'm tired, and i kind of just wish i could cuddle

lehra [userpic]

yuck

March 2nd, 2008 (10:30 am)

i really dont see how i could possibly trust another one of those fuckers again.

fuck

at least im baked

lehra [userpic]

(no subject)

February 25th, 2008 (12:41 am)

 

lehra [userpic]

(no subject)

February 22nd, 2008 (08:11 pm)
current song: Bron-y-aur stomp

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That mafucker was taller than me!!!

Well, things are new, and not new.  So much snow, its not stopping.  There were too many boys but now theres just one, I don't really know what to write about him.  His name is Josh.  I like him, he has tattoos and a lebret piercing, and looks good when he's all scruffy.  Cute boy i met on the bus.  And for some reason he so desperately wants me as his girlfriend.  I really didnt want a boyfriend, but for some reason I think Im choosing to date this one.  I guess Im seeing something different, at least hes not the first guy i came across this time.  At the same time I feel like these things are just sort of falling into place in front of me, i have no control.  No control over my own actions or his, which makes me feel a little bit uneasy.  But in the end, he smells nice and has his own place.  He works hard, and is good in bed.  He also likes to cuddle and fall asleep.  No worries about having to do anything.  Rob always had to be doing something.  Im glad Josh is not so fucking ADD.  So, boys, I guess Ive had my fun with you.  Just this ones good enough.

Relationships are stressful, though.  Do I know what Im getting myself into?  Its all headgames.  I just need to calm down.

lehra [userpic]

(no subject)

January 20th, 2008 (11:11 pm)
current song: bring it on home

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So I guess i shouldnt worry...

Yeah.  Maaan.  Things have been, i guess, a little bit crazy.
I'm not complaining, though.  Im rid of high school boys, and there are two ones ive rounded up for now i guess you could say (well... one is my age but still in high school... but shh).  The other one is a few years older than i.  But none of this highschool boy drama bullshit. stupid boys.

Then theres this one beautiful girl in rehab.  Oh how I miss her so!

I feel kind of like Im trying to figure something out, but Im not sure what yet.  So I guess Im trying to figure out what Im trying to figure out... too much time to think, I guess...

im going to go draww now then

lehra [userpic]

they love it

January 17th, 2008 (08:59 pm)

 

lehra [userpic]

she dont lie

January 9th, 2008 (01:30 pm)
current song: Cocaine!

i had strange dreams last night.  I just remember an orange sky on the horizon of my street, and dark, black, ominous clouds, two of them, one of them small, the first one i saw, then i looked to my left and the second cloud was huge, bigger than a thunderstorm cloud.  You know, the scary as fuck clouds, except dark, underbellies black, and the bright orange sky reflecting off of the top.  It was so vivid, and produced such a sense of anxiety and doom in my dream, especially when i saw the second cloud.  I dont know what it was, but it freaked me out, I felt like I was watching the end of our world unfurl in front of my very eyes and then i woke up this morning to wind and warmth, melting the three hundred feet of snow on the ground.  I can see grass and for gods sake its the beginning of fuckin january!  And all the snow melting off of the field by my house uncovering mounds of DIRTMUD for the city to build the rest of those houses on.  So many of them...

And the thing is, I dont even feel emotions towards them or the weather anymore.  It all just seems inevitable.  Last year the weather was just so strange somehow. The summer was so long it seemed like it wouldnt end and then the winter was so short and intense!  Fall was colourful, so i got it tattooed on me.  And fuck, next week after all the snow has melted all the water will probably freeze, well have ten inches of ice and then well get another ten feet of snow. I wonder what this year will be like, then next year.

Sorry I'm not trying to be dark and gloomy and depressing here or anything... I just cant help feeling doomed from this weather.  Its not so bad though.  Maybe once its summer I'll feel different.

lehra [userpic]

(no subject)

December 17th, 2007 (04:45 pm)

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket 

hehe... uhh vanessa and i drew this.

hmm
i dont know what else to write here

lehra [userpic]

(no subject)

December 3rd, 2007 (03:26 pm)

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